Thank you
Author: By Katherine Cobb

Teach your kids to say thank you with a note
With the holidays upon us, there’s no better time to prepare for saying “thank you” and there is arguably no better way to say it than with a personal note.
But the written “thank you” is becoming a rarity today, as fewer parents hand this gracious and meaningful point of etiquette down to their children.
“Can’t I call?” your son asks. “But I already thanked them in person,” your child whines. “Can’t I just send Aunt Laura an e-mail?” your daughter pleads, knowing you will do all the typing.
While there’s nothing wrong with thanking a person in those ways, a short card or letter of thanks goes a lot further in showing the gift giver your child’s genuine appreciation and there’s no reason why kids — even young ones — can’t write a thank you-note.
Teaching your children this age-old courtesy creates a thankful heart and will teach them to appreciate the kindness of gift giving. If you don’t approach it as burden, they might not either.
Make life easier by writing down (or having your children write down) who gave them the gift at the time it is received. It’s too hard to figure it all out later, and with list in hand, they’ll be halfway there. It’s also a good idea to get the thank you notes out promptly.
A handmade thank-you note is wonderful, but don’t head down that path if your child has a lot of people to thank. Let her buy some printed cards and fill them in.
Kimberly Jackson, owner of the Joy of Learning Montessori School in Bolivar, W.Va., says during her summer camps this year, she gave the children blank notecards and envelopes to design themselves.
“They made thank-you notes, love-you notes and friendship notes,” Jackson says. “I found that designing their own cards made them want to do the writing inside the card. It’s just like when they cook the meal, they’re more likely to eat it.”
A thank-you note should include some basic elements.
First, be sure your child mentions the gift. Second, he should mention how he plans to use the gift or spend the money. Third, she should try to make the note personal so the recipient knows how much she appreciated their generosity.
Young children can simply write the words “thank you” on a sheet of paper, draw a picture relating to their gift, write a short sentence of thanks or some combination of the three. Have a variety of materials available to make the note-writing more fun, like stationery, markers, crayons or colored pencils, stickers or rubber stamps.
Help your kids compose their notes or drawings if they get stuck, but don’t write it for them unless they are very young. You also can write out the message on a separate piece of paper for younger children and have them copy it onto their note.
Have your children sign their cards in their own way. They might want to write their name, or they can leave their handprint, a lipstick kiss mark or send along a picture of themselves (a photo of a jubilant child holding or receiving his gift is a big hit for the gift giver).
Juli Ferrell of Middletown, Va., is active in her church and says, “it (note writing) comes up during lessons when we’re talking about thankfulness. I think it’s the little things that often impact our lives as much as the big occasions. With the kids, we usually do handmade notes. The more messy and creative and totally kid artwork, the better. At church, it’s glitter galore and kids often don’t have any trouble finding someone to be thankful for.”
Ferrell also says she believes sending a thank-you note makes a huge impact.
“We did a weeklong day camp with all volunteers this summer. I sent a thank-you note to all of them, probably about 40 people altogether. I bet half of them stopped me and thanked me for their thank-you card,” she says. “I think most of us feel underappreciated and unrecognized in the world by most people. I’m not really anybody special, but sometimes just knowing that someone else took the time to handwrite a note, address and stamp it, says you’re valuable.”
Cathy Loranger, director of Public Relations at Shenandoah University in Winchester and mother of two children, says she encourages her children to write thank-you notes and believes that over time, it becomes a habit.
She shares a story about the time her son wrote a note of encouragement to an ailing faculty member at the university who underwent heart surgery.
“I didn’t even personally know the professor, but I knew he’d been sick for a long time and that the students loved him,” Loranger says. “After telling my son about him, my son wrote an encouraging letter to the professor ... how he was thinking of him and praying for him, how God would take care of him.”
Loranger says the professor returned to work many months later and soon after, she had the opportunity to meet him and his wife at a function.
“His wife told me they had sat and read and reread that note over and over and cried. They we were so impressed that a young man would sit and write that to them,” says Loranger. “They were very touched.”
Loranger shares another account, a thank you of a different sort.
“The neighbor who lived behind us just died this year. He was our ‘over-the-fence neighbor’ and we all loved him. My kids grew up with him. He was a decorated war veteran, having served in World War II, and an amateur ham radio operator,” says Loranger.
“A year and a half ago, before he got ill, I encouraged my son to write a note to him on Memorial Day, and he did. He thanked our neighbor for being a hero and putting his own life in danger to help others — and wrote that he was a wonderful example of a man that he could look up to,” says Loranger. “And then he took it over and gave it to the neighbor.
“An hour later, our neighbor came to our door with tears in his eyes,” she says. “He was so touched that a young person had given him that kind of respect and said it had restored his faith in the youth of today.”


Sidebar:

General tips
“Nothing is more appreciated than a nice thank-you note. It’s a simple task that only takes a few minutes, but the benefits are immeasurable, both to the sender and recipient,” etiquette expert Emily Post says.

Ages 3 to 5
• You will write the majority of thank-you notes, especially for 3-year-olds. Involve your child in the process by explaining what you are doing so she can sense the form and content of written expressions of gratitude. Leave an area for her to scribble her own greeting.
• Ages 3 to 5 might want to draw a picture (possibly of the gift) that can be included with the note.
• Many 4- and 5-year-olds are learning how to write their names, so they can have fun signing them.

Ages 6 to 10
• With 6- and 7-year-olds, write the letters with them. You can have them dictate what they want you to write. Then have them sign the note with their own written “thank you.” A very short note written with their own hand (and perhaps a picture they’ve drawn) is fine, too. Eight-, 9- and 10-year-olds can write their own notes.
• Don’t try to write many notes in one sitting. When you sense your child is losing interest, it’s time to take a break. Plan several short sessions over the course of a week or two to get the notes finished.
• You might need to address the envelope, but let your child put the stamp on and put it in the mailbox.

Ages 11 to 14
• At this age, kids might want more independence when it comes to writing thank-you notes. Offer encouragement by allowing them to select and purchase unique stationery supplies.
• Set aside time to write notes together.
• Aim to get the notes done within a week or two.

Ages 15 to 18
• Encourage your teen to get creative. He can design custom thank-you notes with his name and a special design on the front; his handwritten personal note can then be written on the other side. If he has a digital camera, he might want to add pictures.
• Be sure your teen has all the materials he’ll need: notepaper, pen, envelope, the correct address and stamps.
• A handwritten note is the best choice. But if your son always “talks” to his Aunt Marie over e-mail, it’s OK to send thanks online.
• Give positive reinforcement for a well-written (or well-received) note.

Source: “The Gift of Good Manners: A Parent’s Guide to Raising Respectful, Kind, Considerate Children” by Peggy Post and Cindy Post Senning

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