Etiquette, Netiquette
Author: Maggie Wolff Peterson

A gentleman always is introduced to a lady.
A young person always is introduced to an older one.
In making the introduction, it is important to use the honorific, such as Mister or Doctor, and then say the person’s name. For example, “Dr. Jones, may I introduce Miss Smith.”
When using the telephone, it’s important to adhere to three basic rules:
No calls at dinnertime.
No calls after 9 p.m.
Calls should last no longer than 12 to 15 minutes.
When calling, always ask for someone by her first and last names, and give yours, too. For example, “Is Sarah Mauney there? This is David Faunce calling.”
At home, don’t wait to be asked to tidy your room. Become an expert on “bathroom manners” to be considerate of the next person who will use the room.
Never put your feet on the furniture.
Thank-you notes are required promptly, and should be sincere and brief.
It is never wrong to send a written note in addition to extending verbal thanks.
If you think these sound like outdated rules for inhabitants of another era, think again. These bylaws come directly from the first-year guide for children enrolled in local classes through the National League of Junior Cotillions.
Cotillion, a two-year program for sixth- and seventh-grade girls and boys, is intended to make civilized creatures out of regular kids. Its mission statement indicates that participants will “learn to act and treat others with honor, dignity and respect for better relationships with family, friends and business associates later in life.”
“The whole purpose of the program is it presents the study of etiquette,” says Robyn Schroth of Winchester, who is licensed by the National League of Junior Cotillions to teach, and has led local cotillion classes in Winchester for 12 years.
“To me, it’s a passage,” Schroth says.
For cotillion, boys wear coats and ties, and girls dress in pantyhose and heels. They are introduced to the basics of introductions, polite conversation, receiving lines, party courtesies and table manners. There’s even up-to-date “Netiquette,” required in an era of cell phones and Internet communications.
The result, according to Schroth, is kids that are self-confident in more situations.
“They learn that you can have fun in a coat and tie,” she says. “It’s important to know the how-to’s.”
The program also has a pre-cotillion component for kids from pre-kindergarten through second grade, which uses a mascot to help teach basic skills to little kids. Poems and games are used to reinforce etiquette basics and children learn “The Manners Song.”
The point, according to etiquette expert Peggy Post, is to make kids so accustomed to being mannerly that they don’t even have to think about it.
And the lessons can start young.
For example, instead of having a preschooler attempt to “write” a thank-you note to a grandparent for a birthday gift, instead, have the child draw a picture of herself using or playing with the gift, Post suggests. Explain to the child how glad the grandparent will be to get the picture and why it’s important to send thanks.
By the time the child is old enough to write, the skill will be well-practiced.
HIT Entertainment, producer of Barney videos, has developed one involving the purple dinosaur discussing manners. Titled “Barney’s Best Manners: Your Invitation to Fun,” it was developed in response to research showing that manners tops the list of things parents want to instill in their kids.
With help from Post, HIT Entertainment also developed a public information campaign on preschool manners that is being distributed to day-care centers and preschools.
Cotillion is open to everyone, but is not advertised. Schroth said she gets all of her students by word of mouth. In addition to Winchester, cotillion programs regionally are located in Purcellville, Leesburg and Culpeper, Va. Children from West Virginia’s Eastern Panhandle generally participate in the Winchester program, Schroth said.
The cotillion program even has an international league of corporate cotillions for executives who never learned the finer skills.
Schroth says kids who complete cotillion know they have the social skills they eventually will need.
“Who knows when you’re going to be interviewed for a job, a scholarship, anything over dinner?” she says.
For more information, go to www.nljc.com or www.barney.com.

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